Adulting sucks
Hello, dear. My imaginary, non-judgy friend. I think about writing to you a lot these days.
I pop on This Feeling by Alabama Shakes and it goes, “See, I’ve been having me a real bad time…but it feels so nice to know I’m gonna be alright”. Mood all the way.
Ok, back to my unactionable (is that a word?) desire of writing to you. I have an excuse- hear me out. See, a little more than half a year ago, I graduated college (Stop, I know, finally) and got the privilege of working at a start-up consulting tech immediately. Oh man, nobody tells you what it’s like dealing with start-up woes, especially in the Silicon Valley. I may seem like I make my job sound so glamorous when speaking to fam and friends, but in reality, I’m fucking miserable. I’m currently suffering from what they call an impostor syndrome. Everyday is literally a pain in the ass. Yep, I said it. This takes up a lot of my time and I’m now left with much less time dedicating it to my creative mind- if i have any left.
Anyway… that was one excuse. the other excuse is that I’m so scared of facing myself these days. I have so many questions in terms of life, love, adulting and career. Does anyone ever have it all figured out? Or is everyone just winging it til they make it? It sounds so basic that when you ask me a few years back, all these concerns I would’ve had easy answers on… simple recipe: pursue what you feel like doing and be happy. Deep down, this does sound promising and even right, but remind me, why and when does it get all complicated?!
Rant. rant. rant. This is why you’re my friend. Ever so patient. What am I even saying?
I feel like I started writing this with a point in mind I wanted to get across but it got lost in the chaos of my thoughts. But yeah, I wanted to share that in case you’re wondering what I’ve been up to lately. Also, I love reading back dated posts for contemplation and further self-inflicted destructive scrutiny. Hey, she’s still there! 🙂
Will write to you soon.
There's a Light That Never Goes Out 